When we love someone dearly, it is understandable that we worry about him or her.
We can over analyse a situation trying to find a solution for the person we care about. We can make suggestions, offer financial support, give mental strategies to help, and before we know it, our life has become consumed about THEIR life challenges.
However, whilst we can still care, we can also accept the responsibility lies with the other person to deal with their situation. If they are over 18 and of sound mind, then sometimes we have to take a step back and let them learn how resilent they really are.
We can offer compassion and understanding, whilst encouraging them to seek help.
Sometimes, another may choose to not reach out for help or change their unhappy situation. And this is their choice. Whilst this may be confusing to us, we have to respect their decision. Their inaction may be due to fear, or even a belief that they are not worthy of improving their situation. There may also be some positive payoffs to stay in their unhappy situation. Or they may just be too lazy to make an effort. After all, it is very easy to become comfortable in our pain if pain is all we have experienced. Living in joy can be so alien for so many people that they don’t even think it is an option!
As consenting adults, others have a right to behave in a way he or she chooses. However, if his or her choices are affecting you, such as they are borrowing money, or constantly bemoaning their situation then this is not acceptable as it could be affecting your mental health.
So I recommend you take a step back and think about the following.
- Reassure the other person that you know he or she can turn this situation around and that you love and believe in them very much to do this. (Your task here is to empower them to learn they can handle life). Remember, you are helping them to take responsibility which is a huge gift.
- You may need to set some boundaries, such as not lending money or not listening to their constant moaning. Remember if you set a boundary you have to stick to it.
- Recommend they reach out for help – such as seeking support from organisations which help people get back into work for example. Alternatively, they may need some psychological or emotional help such as seeing a coach or referral from a doctor to a qualified professional.
- Suggest they visit a library or a bookshop to borrow or buy books on building self-confidence. Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway® by Dr. Susan Jeffers is a classic or they can buy my book, How to be a Courage Queen from the online shop.
- Look at how you can find more pleasure and enjoyment, allowing others to explore their journey, whilst you enjoy your life.
Once you have made some of these suggestions to another, hand over responsibility for action.
Remember if they choose none of the above, then accepting they are choosing to do nothing to change their situation, is a reality you may need to accept.
If they don’t want to change the situation, then let it go and focus on yourself.
Journal Prompts
- Who am I worried about?
- Why am I worried and what good will worrying do?
- If they are an adult, why am I not allowing them to sort out their problems?
- What are my payoffs for solving the problems for them?
- How can I focus on my own life to make it better?
If you are overwhelmed by the plight of another, please get in touch. There may be a soul lesson that your higher self is trying to teach you.