They’re among the most powerful words everspoken or written, but what do they actually mean? It took me a long time to realise that words are simply sounds and letters and it’s not always a good idea to accept them at face value.
The saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ is an important guide to being able to determine whether there is true and loving intent behind the words ‘I love you’. If someone is telling you that they love you, yet you don’t feel very ‘loved’ working through this checklist will help you determine whether your instincts are right.
See how many you can tick off:
- Listens to what you have to say
- Values your opinions
- Wants to makes you happy
- Accepts you just the way you are, flaws and all
- Supports what you want to do with your life
- Is truthful with you at all times, good and bad
- Trusts you
- Treats you as an equal
- Shows respect to your family and friends
- Is giving with their time, money, possessions and affections
- Understands and accepts the way you handle your emotions
- Encourages you to take physical care of yourself
- Encourages you to nurture your own interests and friends
- Does not knowingly try to manipulate or control you, or make you cry or feel threatened in any way, emotionally or physically
- Gladly shares responsibility for housework, childcare and financial concerns
- Will always look to find a fair compromise when there’s a difference of opinion, or conflict of interest between you
- You know they would do all they could to support you through hard times
- Shows pride being with you
- Shows you equal respect at all times, even during arguments.
Surely love is not supposed to be hard work or an emotional rollercoaster? Personally, I’d far rather be single than be in a loveless relationship. I had to learn what love is by learning what it wasn’t.
So, the next time you hear those three little words, try to think beyond the moment and compare whether their actions actually endorse what they are saying. If you have a nagging feeling that their words are hollow, your instincts are probably right.
Journal Prompts
- How do I expect love to be shown to me?
- How do I show love to another?
- Why am I wondering if the person really loves me?
- How am I making excuses for the other person?
- How can we communciate better about the love we expect from each other?
Having an honest and open conversation can help each of you find a love which you are both happy with and one which you certainly deserve.
If you want to chech out if your relationship is loving, contact me for a private consultation at https://rachael-alexander.com/