When clients share painful situations, I am in awe of their resilience. This is the strength of the human spirit. My role as a spiritual growth mentor is to hold a mirror up to reflect their strength of tolerating the intolerable. It is understandbable the human self feels weak.
Tough times do pass. We all have chapters in our life that test us. Over ten years ago my soul experienced a difficult time — supporting my son when I decided to de-register him from school. The school environment was not for him, severely affecting his mental health so I chose to home-school him. Quite a challenge considering I was a single parent, relying on my sole income.
However, I consulted my astrologer and she told me he was having his spiritual awakening, helping to nudge him on his true soul path. He is now in his twenties, and how right she was. There were times, however, when I thought the challenges wouldn’t pass, yet they taught me the power of surrendering to a force bigger than myself.
So if you are going through a particularly tough time, firstly congratulate yourself on the fact you are getting through it. Secondly, ask yourself — what is this teaching me about my strength and resilience? And finally, who is there to support you? We all need support, no matter how independent we are. I still engage the support of friends and professionals such as healers.
It is the tough times that define who we are, and we need to believe how strong we are.
One of the things which keeps me going during tough times is having a purpose, a bigger reason to be here on Earth. During 2020, I wrote a book to help young people cope with the challenge that is university. This can be a time full of anxiety, pressure, loneliness, and fear as they learn about becoming independent.
You’ve Got This – A Student’s Guide to Wellbeing at Universityand Beyond is, I believe, easy to read and offers practical advice to help handle the tough times that university can present.
My aim in writing this book was to help them understand they are not alone in this journey and share practical, simple ways to deal with uncertainty and fear. I am delighted to see the book is getting 5-star ratings on Amazon. Knowing I have helped to lighten the load for souls is important to me.
So if you are traversing a tough time, please look in the mirror and tell yourself that ‘this too shall pass’ and celebrate your strength. This testing time will be teaching your soul something … I wonder what?
“If the thought of going without alcohol for the rest of your life makes you tense up, then you are reliant on it”
Jason Vale – ‘Kick The Drink Easily’
Ouch – painful but powerful! This struck a chord with me, what about you?
After waking up to a particularly bad hangover, I knew something had to change. A friend had recommended Vale’s book to me, telling me it had stopped his brother from drinking. Finding all the courage I could, I took the book with me on holiday.
I had been an alcohol drinker for thirty years and I don’t mind admitting, the thought of stopping scared me senseless! However, the book resonated so much that on my return I committed to stop drinking (much to the amusement of family and friends!)
So why did the book have such a powerful effect? Well, firstly I realised drinking alcohol was simply a form of ‘self-harm’. You may think self-harm is a strong word to use but once I learned how poisonous alcohol was to my body and mental state, I realised harming myself is exactly what I was doing.
When I stopped and reflected on why I was drinking alcohol, it was usually to make a bad day better or make a good time more fun, but after reading the amazing book I learned how alcohol was simply an illusion, a social construct I had been conned by. In reality, alcohol was sabotaging my health, happiness and future.
Here are ten ways the book changed my thinking.
1. Alcohol is a poison so why put poison in my body? I learned alcohol is not a ‘treat’ and never was, I had just been taught to think that.
(It took me a while to accept this as truth as I had been conditioned by society to believe I ‘deserved’ to have a few vodka and cokes at the end of a ‘hard’ week but, the next morning didn’t feel such a treat!)
2.If I think I need alcohol to have a ‘good time’ then I need to re-think where I am going and who I am going with. I learned if I needed to be tipsy or drunk to make a person, place or situation more enjoyable, then surely it can’t be that much fun in the first place.
3.If I need alcohol to help me relax, then I’m working too hard, and would benefit from finding more natural ways to relax. Alcohol is a stimulant and therefore not an authentic way to relax.
4.If I need alcohol to give me confidence in social situations, then I need to improve my confidence and become more fearless.
5.If I need alcohol to cheer myself up, then I need to reflect on what is making me feel low. Next identify if I can change this. I also learned it is okay to let sad feelings out and not simply numb them with alcohol.
6.If I need alcohol to celebrate something then I need to re-think why I would celebrate something by putting poison in my body, causing me ill-health and possible problems in the future. I learned celebrating with alcohol was simply another social construct I thought was the truth.
7.If I think I need alcohol to make my day or week better, then alcohol has control over me. I wouldn’t let anyone else have this control over me, so why would I let a liquid have that power over me?
8.Why would I spend all week exercising and then put all those calories back on through drinking and eating unhealthy food to curb my hangover cravings?
9.Loving myself means being careful what I put into my body and not willingly causing myself alcoholic anxiety, paranoia, sweats or jitters. If alcohol was good for me, then it wouldn’t cause me to feel these things.
10.And finally, and probably the most important reason I stopped drinking alcohol was this…I didn’t want my young son watching me and learning you need alcohol to make life on planet Earth more fun or manageable in some way.
I didn’t want to put him at risk of addiction and wanted him to learn more positive coping mechanisms which would protect, not harm his mental, spiritual and physical health. Alcohol has been linked to causing cancer so why would I want him or me at increased risk of suffering from this?
I learned I had to stop thinking alcohol added to my life in some way and realise it was stopping me from achieving personal and professional success.
You may not want to cut alcohol from your diet totally, but maybe you want to cut it down and not rely on it to make you feel less stressed. Ask yourself, why do you need alcohol to temporarily change your reality … maybe your time would be better spent changing your reality permanently.
Giving up alcohol is one of the most empowering and liberating choices I have ever made, and yes, I am still lots of fun, in fact, more fun as I am now fully conscious!
I understand life may feel like a struggle sometimes and that alcohol somehow takes away a little bit of this suffering. I understand, because this was my mindset and didn’t realise this is why I drank alcohol.
I once thought people who didn’t drink alcohol were ‘boring’ in some way, yet the opposite can be true, they are often the most confident people who can cope with whatever happens to them, not needing to numb their reality in any way. Once I realised I could be happy and didn’t need this unhealthy coping mechanism, my life certainly changed for the better since stopping in 2018.
Of course, stopping or reducing your alcohol intake may change your lifestyle or relationships in some way but knowing you don’t need alcohol to cope helps you feel better about yourself. Those who truly love you will surely want this for you and who knows, it may help them choose more empowering behaviours too.
The self-awareness journey becomes no longer about numbing your thoughts and feelings with alcohol but about listening to the messages your thoughts and feelings provide. This is how your soul communicates with you. Your internal satnav for life and when you let go of alcohol, you can listen to your heart and are guided back to your authentic self.
Why not order the book to gain another perspective on alcohol or complete the journal prompts below?
Journal Prompts
How does drinking add to my life?
How does drinking alcohol sabotage me?
What would be the top 5 reasons for giving up or reducing my alcohol intake?
What would be my top 5 fears of giving or reducing my alcohol intake?
How could I overcome these fears?
Why not check out Vale’s book today or contact me for mentoring to help you let go of the control alcohol has over you.
Why not take a minute to ask yourself the following question:
Could I be 10% happier?
Although it can be scary to ask yourself this question, I believe it is necessary. Admitting you can be happier helps you to identify what needs improving in your life. You can then take action to make it happen.
Many are stuck on the hamster wheel of life, repeating routines that don’t make their heart sing, so much so, that they rarely stop to reflect on how happy they are. The nervous system is stuck in survival mode.
Yet when you take the time to reflect on this question, you realise that if you tweak certain elements of your life then massive changes to your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing can occur.
What changes is your soul asking you to tweak?
Your health and nutrition
Your fitness
Your relationships
Your job and career
Your financial situation
Your mental health
Your passion and excitement for life
Your family
Trust me when I say, there are simple ways to make your life less stressful, starting by listening to your soul.
Journal Prompts
How could you be 10% happier?
What needs to change in your life to help you feel happier?
What are your fears around making these changes?
What help do you need in making these changes?
Why do you deserve to be happy?
If you would like support in becoming happier, contact me today.
I firmly believe the more self-aware you are, the more you can take responsibility for your experiences in life.
Knowing you have the power to change your current circumstances is empowering. However, there is something that can stop us — fear. But the good news is fear can be overcome.
Do you blame yourself or another for the unhappy situation you are currently in?
An important realisation on your self-awareness journey is realising that you and only you are responsible for your life experience.
If your life is not working the way you want it to work, then you have the power to change it.
However fear can make you think,‘I can’t change, I’m stuck. And if you can’t change your circumstances, you can certainly change how you see the situation.
Fear is a master manipulator and can trick you into thinking you can’t change the situation, so you resist making changes. This may be due to wanting to avoid conflict, criticism, chaos, or even turmoil. However the biggest thing we can fear is uncertainty.
But once you realise you can handle anything that comes your way, your circumstances will change.
What if you are waiting for others to change?
You may be thinking, ‘Yes Rach.. but I have a boss/colleague/friend/parent/child or partner who stresses me or upsets me, and if they would change, then I’ll be happy.
Ok so here is the game changer…
Once you realise how hard it is to change yourself, you realise how hard it is to change another, which of course you have no right to do anyway. And some people don’t want to change as there are many payoffs for the way they live their life.
Yet, the day you grasp that you, and you alonehave the power to change your current circumstances by facing your fears, you stop wasting your valuable time and energy trying to change anybody else. Stop waiting for someone else to change, and focus on yourself and this is the day you will be mentally and emotionally free.
The Soul’s journey is one of moving from fear to loving action, allowing you to ultimately realise how powerful and lovable you truly are. So you may as well stop blaming yourself, as this is neither loving nor powerful.
When my partner and boss used to place unreasonable demands on me, there was little point wishing they would stop – I had to change. My choices were to accept their unacceptable behaviour — shut up and put up — or communicate my feelings, and ask if they would change. And if they didn’t , I then had the choice to walk away from their unreasonable demands.
Remember the soul journey is one of learning self-love and self-respect.
Identifying what you won’t accept from another, helps you identify and communicate your boundaries. Others then have a choice to accept these boundaries or not. If they don’t, then you have the choice to leave the situation and move on, even though this can feel frightening.
Fear often makes you think you can’t move on but courage dissolves fear.
Your soul is here to remember how almighty it is. Are you ready to listen?
Journal Prompts
Who am I blaming for my unhappiness?
How can I take responsibility for changing my circumstances?
Where am I giving my power away, in expecting another to change?
How can I be happy even if they don’t change?
What situations do I need to think about leaving?
If you would support on your spiritual journey, reach out today.
Staying positive here on planet Earth can be a real challenge. However, one thing which gets me though a challenging day is the spiritual path. I like to reflect on …
Why am I viewing this event as challenging?
A day has usually been challenging due to the feelings I experienced. Therefore, becoming more aware of which emotions upset me, such as overwhelm, rejection, criticism, or disapproval puts me in a position of power, because It is showing me I am see the world in non-spiritual way.
Underlying a feeling is a thought and underlying a thought is a belief … that you can change.
For example;
Your boss criticizes your proposal so you feel rejected.
Underlying your feeling of rejection may be a belief of ‘I am not good enough.
Learning you are good enough means you are seeing yourself in a much healthier way.
Of course, life will trigger irrational beliefs, but learning from distressing emotions means these emotions have no power over you. Instead, they offer a greater self-awareness opportunity.
Learning ways to stay positive is another great self-awareness opportunity.
Here are my ten ways to help you stay positive:
Be open to reading – Read self-help books or autobiographies of people who have overcome adversity. Many are available as audio.
Use Social Media – There are so many wonderful Facebook groups, Instagram posts, Twitter accounts and YouTube videos all sharing positive content – hunt them out!
Hang out with positive people – Learn to recognise who spreads positivity by being upbeat and who spreads negativity by constantly complaining. Avoid the latter!
Be selective to the News – The news spreads fear, alarm and terror in some cases. Learn to switch it off. Can you really do anything about cruel behaviour or a multiple pile up on the road? Have compassion for the situation then let it go, unless you can personally make a difference.
Start to Journal – Exploring your life through the written word can help you explore transcend negative emotions. Start with I feel…and see what follows.
Ask for help – Be open to receiving help – the NHS offers free counselling services or some organisations have a counsellor attached to their business. MIND and Relate offer a counselling service at reduced cost or pay privately depending on your budget.
Feel good about yourself – Commit to exercise or getting out in the sunlight and fresh air. A healthy body is a healthy mind.
Self-investigation – List what brings you joy and what drains your joy. Then find ways to maximise the first one and minimise the latter.
Rest – Sometimes we just have to have a duvet day and give permission to ourselves to do nothing. Our battery needs recharging just like a car.
Take Responsibility – Take responsibility for your own life, which means concentrating on what you can do to be happy rather than trying to be responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
Journal Prompts
What or who takes away my positivity?
What can I do from the list above to become more positive?
How can I stop others from draining my positivity?
What or who is a negative influence?
What 3 actions can I take today to commit to being more positive?
The spiirutal path can help you feel positive, get in touch today to find out more.
When we love someone dearly, it is understandable that we worry about him or her.
We can over analyse a situation trying to find a solution for the person we care about. We can make suggestions, offer financial support, give mental strategies to help, and before we know it, our life has become consumed about THEIR life challenges.
However, whilst we can still care, we can also accept the responsibility lies with the other person to deal with their situation. If they are over 18 and of sound mind, then sometimes we have to take a step back and let them learn how resilent they really are.
We can offer compassion and understanding, whilst encouraging them to seek help.
Sometimes, another may choose to not reach out for help or change their unhappy situation. And this is their choice. Whilst this may be confusing to us, we have to respect their decision. Their inaction may be due to fear, or even a belief that they are not worthy of improving their situation. There may also be some positive payoffs to stay in their unhappy situation. Or they may just be too lazy to make an effort. After all, it is very easy to become comfortable in our pain if pain is all we have experienced. Living in joy can be so alien for so many people that they don’t even think it is an option!
As consenting adults, others have a right to behave in a way he or she chooses. However, if his or her choices are affecting you, such as they are borrowing money, or constantly bemoaning their situation then this is not acceptable as it could be affecting your mental health.
So I recommend you take a step back and think about the following.
Reassure the other person that you know he or she can turn this situation around and that you love and believe in them very much to do this. (Your task here is to empower them to learn they can handle life). Remember, you are helping them to take responsibility which is a huge gift.
You may need to set some boundaries, such as not lending money or not listening to their constant moaning. Remember if you set a boundary you have to stick to it.
Recommend they reach out for help – such as seeking support from organisations which help people get back into work for example. Alternatively, they may need some psychological or emotional help such as seeing a coach or referral from a doctor to a qualified professional.
Suggest they visit a library or a bookshop to borrow or buy books on building self-confidence. Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway® by Dr. Susan Jeffers is a classic or they can buy my book, How to be a Courage Queen from the online shop.
Look at how you can find more pleasure and enjoyment, allowing others to explore their journey, whilst you enjoy your life.
Once you have made some of these suggestions to another, hand over responsibility for action.
Remember if they choose none of the above, then accepting they are choosing to do nothing to change their situation, is a reality you may need to accept.
If they don’t want to change the situation, then let it go and focus on yourself.
Journal Prompts
Who am I worried about?
Why am I worried and what good will worrying do?
If they are an adult, why am I not allowing them to sort out their problems?
What are my payoffs for solving the problems for them?
How can I focus on my own life to make it better?
If you are overwhelmed by the plight of another, please get in touch. There may be a soul lesson that your higher self is trying to teach you.
