“I have been married for over ten years and have never been unfaithful to my husband. I have thought about splitting up but realised it would upset my young son too much. My husband and I ‘get on’ but we are more like brother and sister. I love him but am not in love with him. We rarely have sex but other than that I don’t think the marriage is bad enough to divorce. We do have petty arguments and he frustrates me sometimes but all marriages have problems. Recently I bumped into someone from the past and we hit it off again. I have started to think about this person a lot but am confused as to how I feel. Bumping into my ex has made me think about my life very differently.
One thing I have learned about life is no one answer is suitable for everyone. However, many adults choose to stay in sexless or unfulfilled marriages, citing children as the reason.
I believe people come into our life for a reason. Maybe the ex has come into your life to shine a light on your marriage asking you to reflect on what you really want.
Unfortunately, many are raised in a culture that makes them believe marriage has to be for life and happiness doesn’t really factor into it. I actually believe we can have many relationships. The aim — helping us to learn about ourself.
Children need to learn to be able to handle life experiences and yes, whilst divorce can be challenging and upsetting for children, with the right support they can flourish and learn to accept different ways of living.
I believe the most important thing is being a positive role model for your child and demonstrating courage rather than fear. Often pretending and pushing things under the magic carpet of denial can never lead to happiness – all that happens is resentment and bitterness festers.
Do you want your child to have the courage to face their challenges in life – if so, can you be the one who role models this courageous way of behaving by admitting you could be happier?
Journal Prompts
1) Where did you get the idea from that you have to stay married to one person all of your life?
2) Would you want your child to be in the same sort of marriage when they are your age?
3) What are your fears about ending your marriage? i.e being alone, financial stability, conflict
4) Would your child rather see you happy than staying in a relationship that expired years ago?
5) How would you like your marriage to be – how can you make this happen?
You could think about going to see a counsellor to help you both explore your marriage. It doesn’t always have to end in divorce. You can rebuild your marriage if you both really commit to it. Truth and openness are key.
If yoiu need help exploring what you truly want. Get in touch.